When you have a chronic and disabling illness with limited ability to do any type of activity, learning how to pace is critical.

There are so many things we want to do, so many things others want us to do, and so many things we think we have to do. After a few years of teaching mindfulness classes to people with disabling illnesses I realized that most of us want to do 10 times as much as we can safely do, and try to do at least four times as much.

For many of us, pacing is the hardest part of managing our health. Our capacity changes day by day and moment by moment, which means it is never 100% predictable.

Trying to pace brings up emotions and beliefs we never realized we had. It makes us realize how many things we force ourselves to do, that we think we need to do, but that we don’t actually need to do. It makes us realize how often we just say “yes” when people ask. It makes us realize how much we value keeping commitments, even if it causes us months of being bedridden. It makes us realize how much of our sense of self confidence and self worth comes from things we do.

Although it is always an ongoing process and challenge, once we start feeling, thinking, and examining our beliefs, thoughts, and emotions about what we actually need to do versus what we feel we should do, it becomes easier use our limited energy more effectively and pacing becomes easier.

For my own pacing journey, I developed a few rules for planning activities outside the home.

1.      Do what is necessary for taking care of your health and managing your life

2.      Do things that will in some way bring benefit to the world and to others

3.      Do things that are fun

4.      Ask yourself if the activity is important enough to risk the post exertion crash

Rule 1. Do what is necessary

When we ask the question “Is it necessary?” our first reaction is often “Yes, of course”, but when we look more closely, most of us feel like a lot of things are necessary that really are not.  From making sure our kitchens are spotless before going to bed to assuming we’re bad parents if we do not go to every single soccer game, we have underlying rules and ideas about what we need to do. But when we are sick, we need to reevaluate.

Ask yourself “Is this something I have to do?” and “Can I ask someone else to do this?” For example, we might think grocery shopping is necessary, but often groceries can be delivered, or friends/family might do it for us.

Rule 2. Do things that will in some way bring benefit to the world and to others

When I look at moments in my life that have consistently given me the greatest joy, many of them are when I did something that was truly helpful to others or beneficial in some way, something that used my own unique skills and abilities that I offered freely and unconditionally.

This piece is important, it helps gives us meaning in our lives, it helps us connects to others, and it prevents us from getting completely stuck in our own suffering.

Rule 3. Do things that are fun

Disabling illness is so difficult. It is so easy to get lost in sadness and depression when dealing with the day to day reality of trying to manage a life filled with illness and pain. It is easy to lose joy and laughter. It is easy to fall into the trap of “shoulds”. But joy and laughter keep us going. So look for what will be fun and make you laugh, and spend some of your precious energy on those things.

Rule 4. The activity must be important enough to risk the post exertion crash

Sometimes it is very challenging to plan activities when you have limited capacity. Asking yourself the question “Is this activity important enough to me to risk a post exertion crash?” helps eliminate activities from your plate. When you get in the habit of asking yourself this question, pacing becomes easier.

Finally, everyone finds pacing difficult. Everyone makes mistakes and suffers from them. The important thing is to learn from those pits we walk right into, and try avoiding walking into the same pits again and again.